tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7716266031006082752.post3661572532003253308..comments2023-03-25T05:04:22.774-04:00Comments on Coping with SIDS: What I Learned about Toby's Death on Facebook's TimelineAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06978106493173201688noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7716266031006082752.post-82775181557707694122011-12-24T20:08:35.211-05:002011-12-24T20:08:35.211-05:00I don't think you need to worry ever about whe...I don't think you need to worry ever about whether you are being positive and you are right, that is something that makes other people feel better. It has nothing to do with your reality. For the most part, I am lucky and am surrounded (virtually, because I don't see many people in person) with people who have been tremendously supportive and loving (as best they can because the saddest fact is that NOBODY can help ease my pain very much at all). The few jerks that KEEP coming back to torture me are people that if I really look back, were never REALLY great friends anyway. Maybe they are colleagues that I had fun hanging out with at conferences or work functions, maybe they were old friends that I kept around too long because I was used to them....most of them are people who I knew to be self centered and narcissistic. It bothers me that I still get annoyed by them. Honestly, the people who have pissed me off most lately are colleagues - who I can't get rid of because I am stuck with them. Those SIDS bloggers that write only cheerful stuff I sort of envy but I also sort of know that being cheerful is part of their process and they are so, so sad. How could they not be? Trying to find stuff to be cheerful (or at least, neutral) about is important but whether that happens on your own time or in the blogosphere is nobody's business. You do what you need to do to get through every hour (at least that is how I live). I am just going to clean shop. I've done it before too...before Maxie died. Every so often, it is important to look and see who in your world isn't really a friend. You can decide to keep them if they offer something else - like they are really funny, or smart or good for your career or something. BUT, you should feel FREE to toss them if there is nothing in it for you. Life, as we know, is much too short. I am cleaning house and feeling pretty good about it.Abby Levisshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15748394086960661826noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7716266031006082752.post-71742497703897613882011-12-23T17:17:48.935-05:002011-12-23T17:17:48.935-05:00It is interesting how you can look back on these f...It is interesting how you can look back on these feeling and how this is documented on Facebook (makes me wish I communicated a little more on Facebook ….). You are right some people look at your grief and how it affects them. They do stuff for themselves, in the name of helping you. I understand some of this, how everyone lost Toby and people all have their own ways to cope. It is not about just you (people feel they have but it is you, Pete, and Sam whose whole world changed. You and Pete lost Toby; there is no cure for that. You will never be the same. It is so hard for people to come to terms with that.Katie (LukeGrantsMom)noreply@blogger.com