tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7716266031006082752.post5385366410536398870..comments2023-03-25T05:04:22.774-04:00Comments on Coping with SIDS: Let Me Tell You How You Feel...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06978106493173201688noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7716266031006082752.post-33781742818257543602012-01-02T19:49:35.131-05:002012-01-02T19:49:35.131-05:00I had to chuckle a little bit when I read this. I ...I had to chuckle a little bit when I read this. I hate that question "How may children do you have?" My husband tries to avoid the question and usually answers "two." I don't. I say, "I have two living children and one that passed away." I don't say, "I have three" anymore because it makes me feel like Toby doesn't get the respect he deserves. While my husband rarely brings up Toby, when when asked, I have been known to volunteer the information to random strangers. <br /><br />Congratulations on the pregnancy.Being pregnant with the "rainbow baby" was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. It was exciting, but so scary. Not only was it a complicated pregnancy but, in a way, I dreaded her coming because of the anxiety and fear of losing her once she got here. Nobody understood that. She's here now, though, and it did bring some renewed spark back to us. :-) <br /><br />When I was pregnant after losing Toby I wet to a practice that had 16 doctors on staff. I had to go every week and always had a different doctor. After about 13 times of having doctors neglect to read my history and referring to Toby as my "miscarriage" I flipped my lid. At one point the conversation went like this:<br />Doctor: So how far along where you when you had your abortion?<br />Me: It wasn't an abortion. <br />Doctor: I'm sorry, I meant spontaneous abortion. That's what we call a miscarriage. <br />Me: It wasn't a miscarriage. <br />Doctor: Oh, I'm sorry. Stillbirth then. <br />Me: He wasn't stillborn! He was two months old when he died! <br /><br /><br />Grrr...<br /><br />If I come across that mute massage therapist I'll let you know.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06978106493173201688noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7716266031006082752.post-57353537356759345322012-01-02T17:10:22.431-05:002012-01-02T17:10:22.431-05:00I recently went to get a massage with my husband. ...I recently went to get a massage with my husband. I am ten weeks pregnant so I told the massage therapist, who went on and on about what a blessing pregnancy is. Then she asked the dreaded question -"is this your first?" and I responded, "no" and she said, "are your others so excited?" and I said, "my son died five months ago". And she said, "stop! You are going to make me cry. Wow! You are doing so well!". Now, WHY would she think I am doing so well? Because I was at the spa, getting a massage? It was my first time out of bed in weeks. "No", I said, "I am not doing well". She had literally met me less than five minutes before. Just thinking about it makes me tense. Can anyone refer me to a mute massage therapist please?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7716266031006082752.post-70275732359430805552011-12-27T05:59:09.981-05:002011-12-27T05:59:09.981-05:00You know, that should actually be a separate entry...You know, that should actually be a separate entry. I'll do one on what NOT to say.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06978106493173201688noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7716266031006082752.post-46272454970532639892011-12-27T05:54:35.029-05:002011-12-27T05:54:35.029-05:00I think one of the hardest things is that people w...I think one of the hardest things is that people want to show support but just can't figure out how to do it. It's like those that completely ignore the fact that you lose a child under the assumption that it will upset you to talk about them. (When, in actuality, we like talking about our children.)This is just a different way of doing it. <br /><br />A lot of people, too, are under the assumption that they know what's best for the grieving parents so they base their words on that. <br /><br />For a long time people wold excuse these things by saying, "Well, so-and-so doesn't know what to say so you can't blame them." Well, I've been in situations where I didn't know what to say, either. So I said either nothing or very little.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06978106493173201688noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7716266031006082752.post-12925532616356228332011-12-27T05:01:04.074-05:002011-12-27T05:01:04.074-05:00Oh my goodness, this happens to me ALL THE TIME!!!...Oh my goodness, this happens to me ALL THE TIME!!! I had someone send me a long ass email over Christmas about how they knew that I was "struggling" and how it must be "an awful time" for me and that I might want to talk to a therapist if I was "having trouble." Well, gee, thanks!! I was actually having a pretty good week til you told me I wasn't! :-P<br /><br /><br />I think that many times people use kind of textbook things to say to you. I have also noticed that when I post things about SIDS research I will have people comment and say to me, "This is great news because..." and then explain to me WHY the thing that I posted is good. Like, no shit, that's why I posted it! Why are you explaining that to ME? <br /><br />Thanks for your posts. Just when I think I'm going crazy for thinking something you write it and I feel better. <br /><br />~AdeleAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com