Things I have Learned Since Losing My Son

1.       It’s possible to go an entire week and not remember anything that you did.

2.       You can feel sad and not actually cry.

3.       The things that you cry over are not always the things that you’re sad about.

4.       Medicine numbs nothing, but it can make you sleep.

5.       Nobody has any idea of what to say to you.

6.       You don’t have any idea of what you want someone to say to you.

7.       Despite what they say, nobody really understands.

8.       Grief makes people uncomfortable.

9.       There are no manuals on how to deal with the loss of a child and all of the advice books in the world do little to help.

10.   Grief does not “go away.” It changes and dulls.

11.   You can actually forget what a person felt like and looked like.

12.   People will say, “Let me know if you need anything” but they don’t always mean it.

13.   Even your best friends can disappear.

14.   People are sympathetic and nurturing for about a week and then seem to vanish off the face of the earth and you’re left all alone.

15.   Real pain doesn’t actually set in until months later.

16.   People can be mean and cruel even when you’re going through your worst times.

17.   You can still laugh even on days that you feel like crap.

18.   Sometimes the good memories hurt worse than the bad ones.

19.   There are some places you will never be able to visit again because the reminders are too painful.

20.   People will pass off a lot of things that you do as you “grieving”, even when they were things that you did before your loss.

21.   Finding answers might not change the outcome, but they can make you feel better.

22.   That “what ifs” will drive you crazy.

23.   People will come up with a thousand reasons as to why they haven’t called, visited, written, or been in touch with you but the fact is, you’re still alone regardless as to how good their excuses are.

24.   The person might be gone, but everything else is still the same and that’s not always comforting.

25.   You’re no longer innocent when it comes to fearing the worst for your other children.

26.   You can feel anger when someone complains about their child being away or being sick-at least they’re still alive.

27.   And then you feel guilty for thinking those things.

28.   Sometimes, you have a good day and then you feel guilty about that, too.

29.   When people tell you not to do something (cry, talk about your loss, be angry, or whatever) it’s usually because it makes them feel uncomfortable.

30.   You can cut off friends and family members without a second thought because since you’ve lost your child losing someone you barely talk to doesn’t seem as traumatic as it might have once felt.

31.   Nobody grieves in the same way.

32.   Everyone wants to tell you how hard it’s been on them since your child died.

33.   There are people who think that your loss doesn’t matter as much since your child was an infant and not an adult.

34.   Some people really go out of their way to do nice things for you.

35.   There are days when their existence almost feels like a dream.