Tuesday, December 6, 2011

We'll support you...as long as you don't need supporting

We’ve felt pretty down recently. Moving again (twice this year but hopefully never again) took a lot out of me and Pete. We didn’t have a lot of time to prepare but when the opportunity came up we took it because we might not have had another chance.

Tonight I tried to pick up a box that had Toby’s things in it and it fell open on the bottom. Luckily, nothing broke but it still upset me. It’s sad that his whole life can come down to two big boxes. We don’t have anywhere to put his angel statues (left over from his funeral) or anything yet so they have to stay in the boxes. We will, though.

Iris is due for her next round of vaccinations. Sam is past due for his…as in two years past due. Not real sure what we’re going to do about that yet. We’ll get most of her vaccines eventually but there are some that we’re not going to get and we never get them all at once. Many of my fellow SIDS parents lost their babies within 72 hours of immunizations. While that doesn’t apply to us, it’s still scary.

I got really upset a few weeks ago. I belonged to this support group that was kind of an offshoot of another support group that I belonged to. (This one was the Facebook version of the other one.) It was a good place to go to because it had more activity on it and you could say things without worrying about people taking them the wrong way and stuff. Well, supposedly anyway.

So a few weeks ago there was a girl on a pregnancy board talking about having pains. She had just given birth 4 weeks before and said that she was having a lot of pain. So, a bunch of us were trying to help her out, givingher advice and stuff. Then, she showed up on another board, saying that she had just had a baby 4 weeks before but that now she wanted another one. She wondered if it was too early to get pregnant again. So again, some of us were giving her advice and things. This went on for about a week. Then, she got on there AGAIN and said that she had gone to the doctor and that they had told her she was pregnant and would deliver any day. She was excited. A few hours later, she was writing that she was in labor, and a few hours after that she said that she gave birth in her bathtub and that the baby was fine. Yet at the same time that she was supposedly in labor she was on another board talking about child abuse.

Now, while it is technically possible to have two uteruses and be pregnant with two different pregnancies this is so medically rare that it would have made national news. It would have especially made state news and this girl lives in Kentucky. Also, why didn’t they find this baby (6 pounds) on any of her ultrasounds, exams, etc. after she delivered her other one? Well, she was just going around to a bunch of different boards, I found out later on, making stuff up. It made a lot of people angry.

Obviously the chick had problems. I was very upset, though, that I had wasted my time trying to help her when she was just making crap up and seeking attention. I know there’s something mental going on there but I’m in no position to offer any kind of counseling.

So, I got on the support group page and talked about it. I was immediately hit with someone telling me not to be so negative, that she needed our help (she was not a member of our group so she couldn’t read what I had written) and so on and so forth. Really chastising me.

I thought about it and figured, okay, maybe I was being a little harsh. But heck, if someone got on there and pretended to have lost a child to SIDS, gotten sympathy, and then later everyone found out she had made it up you think THEY wouldn’t have been upset? Anyway, I deleted my post and figured I’d just forget about it.

That wasn’t enough, though, for one woman. She then started her own little message on the board for everyone to read. It said that she was glad that I had removed the post and that I was being too negative and blah blah blah. Then, at the end of it, she asked if people agreed with her. Yes, on a support group’s website, let’s ENCOURAGE people to write tell another member that they don’t agree with them. When most of us are depressed and full of anxiety the last thing you want to do is sign into your support group and read about a bunch of people not liking you. Way to go there. (Besides, wasn’t it a little hypocritical to say I was being negative and then encourage others to be negative back to me?) There was no reason for her to say anything. I had already taken it down and she had already said her piece.

So, no more of that group for me.

Then, a few days later, I got hit with a bunch of blasts in my newsfeed about how people like me shouldn’t be decorating for Christmas and stuff. (You can read about that on my other blog. I dedicated a whole entry to it.) So, I made a status update that said, “There are lots of religions that celebrate holidays during the month of December. The month is big enough for all of us to party together.” I was deleted by three more people from that support group for that status update alone.

So…we will support each other as long as we don’t talk about anything negative and all have the same religious beliefs?


Not too long ago, I posted some very nice pictures of my family enjoying the fall season by picking out our pumpkins. I almost immediately got a response from someone that I have met a total of two times (and who has never even met Pete) telling me that he looked suicidal in them and that they had to tell me that. At first I gave them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they were just trying to be helpful, you know? But after I got to thinking about that…who the hell DOES that? First of all, what a thing to say to someone. Secondly, if you look at any of our pictures, including our wedding photos that were taken years ago, Pete rarely smiles in pictures. He hates to have his picture taken. And thirdly, yep, he’s depressed. He lost his son and mother a year ago and the majority of his family and friends have been creeps about it. Frankly, I’m surprised the guy is still functioning at this point. If they were soooo worried about him and us then why not a friendly email from time to time to check in on us? How about a phone call, a text, a wall post…something besides a “Hey, I know I’ve said all of three words to you since I met you two years ago but your husband looks like he might kill himself.”

And then people wonder why I’m in a bad mood most of the time. 

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