Friday, June 15, 2012

First Birthday

Iris' first birthday is in one month. I can't believe she will be one year's old. Time flew by this year.

The one year mark for a subsequent child is a huge deal. The chances of SIDS drops down to almost zero after a year. Although a child can still unexpectedly die, it is generally no longer referred to as "SIDS" after this. Psychologically, making it to that one year mark is probably the biggest milestone that a parent can face once having a subsequent child.

Iris' birthday comes comes almost exactly one week after Toby's. Toby would have been 2 on July 5th. Not only would Toby have been walking, running, and talking at this point but he wouldn't have even been a baby anymore-he'd have been a toddler. So many things to take into consideration.

Because of the brain surgery, we decided to have a small birthday party for Iris here at the house. We only invited a handful of friends-just the ones we knew could come. We didn't want it to be too overwhelming because I didn't know how I would feel and figured I might not be able to do a lot of cooking and cleaning beforehand.

Only one person can come. Everyone else has a reason not to. Now, I am not saying that the reasons aren't good ones. But does it really matter what the reasons are when you end up having to cancel the party? I had picked out pretty little My Little Pony party favors and decorations and was in the middle of ordering her a fluffy pink party dress. Now, there's no party at all.

Obviously, we're still going to do something for her birthday. Maybe we'll go up to my dad's and do a picnic on the lake for her. I just feel so sad.

If you follow my other blog and have been reading my entries about buying a house then you'll know that we are mostly looking for properties that are isolated, rural, and have at least 20 acres. Yesterday, we looked at one that was totally different. We're actually going back to look at it again with the agent on Tuesday. The house is not great, but it does have 14 acres and it's right in the middle of downtown. (I know, how weird is that, right?) The reason I like it is that it's next to a ballpark. I have this idealistic image of Sam making little friends in town and seeing them out the window, a pack of boys, walking down the road with their little baseball bats and gloves or fishing poles-either headed to the creek or the ballpark to play.

I really, REALLY want him to make friends and have people over. I think he is so lonely and we try our best. Clearly, we need to do something different. I can't even get people to come to Iris' first birthday party. As a parent, that is a horrible feeling. It feels like failure. Like I somehow failed at getting people interested in her and her life.

Last year, I tried to plan a baby shower for Iris and a little one year memorial service for Toby. I couldn't get people to come to either one so those were canceled as well. I think I give up. Logically, I know that it doesn't matter if other people care or come-that it's really just about the family. But it still hurts. 


Susan said...

Oh, I'm sorry. How bloody minded can people get.

I really don't think people get it at all, how big these occasions are, and how much significance they carry. How horrid they wouldn't turn up to the anniversary - but what am I saying - the number of people who skipped C's funeral doesn't bear thinking of.

I would have loved to have come to Iris' party. Do you have any local bereaved friends, who would get how you're feeling more?

I hate to think of you being disappointed. Would it be possible to go ahead? The one person who can come - plus the family. Get the My little Pony plates - maybe invite a close neighbour too?

Much love to you xx

Rebecca said...

We're trying to figure out something to do. We might go away for the night and get a hotel room. Let the kids play in the pool and do a cake there. Sam loves to pack for a hotel more than anything and Iris won't care where she is. Or, we might just stay here and decorate and celebrate anything and ask the one friend over who can come. We'll do something, of course. It's just disappointing. :-(