Sunday, July 15, 2012


I don't care how mean or bitchy this sounds.

Yesterday was Iris' birthday. We didn't hear a thing from Pete's family on Toby's birthday. I thought we would at least hear something from Pete's family on Iris' birthday.


No letter, no phone call, no card...nothing. Not from one single person.

I am so glad that Sam and Iris have people in their lives like my dad, Ashley and Mom who actually love them and care about them. Ashley isn't even a blood relative and already shows Sam more love and compassion that than his "real" grandfather shows him.


Jayden's Mommy said...

In sorry Rebecca. Its good to know that Iris keeps getting a big girl. It was exactly 5 months when we saw over 100 members of Jareds family at a reunion and only 2 people ask me about how I was feeling and mentioned Jayden. His parents or sibblings none of them bother. I told Jared crying about it and he said they told him is "too painful to bring his memory", I was so angry, I still am so I totally understand.

Rebecca said...

It sucks, doesn't it? My husband actually gets madder about it than I do. He says it's their loss, though. I have tried to keep them interested by posting pictures of the kids and stuff and even sent texts and pictures when Iris was born. I am not doing that any longer, though. At this point, I feel like they don't deserve it.

Maxie's Mommy said...

All I can say is it is the strangest and most baffling phenomenon of the entire loss to me, other than our loss itself. Ted and I ask each other all day long, "How hard is it to say 'I'm sorry'?" people DO, however, talk about our expected baby all of the time. It makes even LESS sense to me that "loved ones" would ignore that baby too. With iPhones and computers, I just don't see how hard it would be to stick the date in your calendar and then send an email once a year. They must KNOW how much it would mean. But it is almost like they wouldn't want to give the satisfaction or the DVD second smile we might get from knowing our children (dead or alive) have been remembered. So selfish.

Maxie's Mommy said...

Stupid autocorrect!

Rebecca said...

I should think it wouldn't be that hard to remember your grandchild's birthday. But even so, that doesn't excuse Christmas or "forgetting" any other major event. The fact that it only happens with our kids and not the other grandchildren burns me up. I am tired of that side of the family treating my kids like they are nothing.

Susan said...

Miss M doesn't get acknowledged from people who did remember C before she died. I think it is this. I am difficult to deal with since C died. People don't know what to say. So they say nothing. Whether it is guilt or they are pissed with me for being such a stroppy cow, I'm not sure...

There are a number of notable no-shows for Miss M's first birthday and first Christmas - but hey, if you can, try to focus on the people who did make an effort.

Iris and Miss M are very loved, wanted babies, who will have a good life with loving parents. That is the important thing xx Much love to you too.

Rebecca said...

You are right, of course. I was neglected by my paternal grandmother. She never cared much for me. My maternal grandmother more than made up for it, thogh. She died when I was 7 and I grieve for her in the same way that I would had I lost a parent. (She lived with us and even died in our home.)

It bothers me for the sake of the kids. This has been going on far before Toby's death, though. (Toby got it, too.) There has always been an ignoring and pushing aside of our kids. It makes me mad. They are beautiful, loving chidren. They don't deserve that.

My dad does what he can and I accept that he has certain limitations. Still, gives is attentive to the kids and they know him as a presence. Sam loves him. (We all do, don't get me wrong. My parents have the best divorce EVER. They still send each other naughty birthday cards.) And our friend Ashley is there for EVERYTHING-parties, outings, all major events...he never had kids and he has taken the role of surrogate grandfather seriously. We even named Toby after his deceased partner. And, of course, mom is alwys there for them.

So they are loved. I just don't think highly of those who choose to ignore them.