I posted this on my Facebook page, but thought it would work well here, too.
If you have lost a child and you're reading this, you're here because I like you as a person in addition to feeling connected to you because we share something horrific in common. As part of our friendship, I promise to never preach at you, lecture you, or make you feel guilty for any decisions you make that may or may not be similar to the ones I have made.
I have made some great friendships with a few other parents who have lost children. Those friends don't number in the hundreds, or even in the dozens, but they're good friends and they're good people. I see a whole lot of judgement going on in the bereavement world from people who I feel should really be supporting one another.
Over the past two years, I have formed friendships with people who have vastly different parenting styles, religious views, educational levels, and professions. The way we grieve and raise our subsequent children might vary, but I actually find that's part of the fun of getting to know them. What I feel and think is not set in stone and changes almost daily. Being open-minded and trying my best not to be judgmental I actually feel has helped me be a better parent and friend since the loss of my child.
If you have lost a child and you're reading this, you're here because I like you as a person in addition to feeling connected to you because we share something horrific in common. As part of our friendship, I promise to never preach at you, lecture you, or make you feel guilty for any decisions you make that may or may not be similar to the ones I have made.
I have made some great friendships with a few other parents who have lost children. Those friends don't number in the hundreds, or even in the dozens, but they're good friends and they're good people. I see a whole lot of judgement going on in the bereavement world from people who I feel should really be supporting one another.
Over the past two years, I have formed friendships with people who have vastly different parenting styles, religious views, educational levels, and professions. The way we grieve and raise our subsequent children might vary, but I actually find that's part of the fun of getting to know them. What I feel and think is not set in stone and changes almost daily. Being open-minded and trying my best not to be judgmental I actually feel has helped me be a better parent and friend since the loss of my child.
2 comments:
Thank you for writing this. I was following a twitter account of a bereaved mother for awhile and I got to where I felt so uncomfortable by her posts that I had to stop. I've lost a child, too, but the constant negativity and judgement was making me feel worse. I was already greiving-I didn't need to be hit over the head with all the hatefulness and judging and lecturing.
I like reading your blog because of your open-mind perspective. I have never felt judgement here. Sending our love Rebecca to you and your family. I like the other post of the year in review, what a year! Love seeing pictures of the kids. Your courage with decorating Toby's grave is something I admire; something I feel I have to do; not sure when. Love, Kira
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