Wednesday, February 27, 2013

in the living room?

I've had a lot of crazy things to said to me since Toby died but this one might actually take the cake. I can't even make these things up...

So a friend came by recently with a package. Before coming into the house, though, she stood at the door and asked, "Is there a coffin in there? Because those things freak me out."

Okay, even if we'd had a good old fashioned Irish wake with the coffin in the living room Toby died almost THREE YEARS ago.

If ever there was a "smack my head" moment, that had to be it.

8 comments:

Jayden's Mommy said...


I still do not understand how people can be so insensitive. Seriously , come on. I honestly do not get many comments but complete silence, most people avoid me or they want to tell me about the dead of someone else child. It's so sad. But I try to think they did not mean it like that.

Rebecca Patrick-Howard said...

When I was a family therapist, during our training we were taught that one of the best ways to establish communication was to relate to our clients using similar personal experiences. (I was an in-home therapist so things were a little different. I spent 8-10 hours per week with my clients, too.) I think, on some level, when people try to bring up their own experiences to us (their pets, grandparents, great aunts, whatever) they are trying to relate to us in order to find empathy with our situations. That's not a bad thing. What's bad is that the majority of the time it's a massive fail. Comparing our dead children to their dead dogs is not helpful. It's dismissive and rude. I had a friend who constantly compared my loss to the loss of her father. that actually would have been okay except for the fact that whenever I would brig Toby up, the conversation would always end up being about HER. Nearly three years later that might be alright. three days after his death it wasn't.

I find that most people are quiet, too.

Mel said...

What the hell kind of thing to say is THAT? I know this person is your friend (possible not a very good one?) so I shouldn't insult them but do they possess Forrest Gump-esque intelligence? That is just beyond uncaring and stupid. Why don't people think before they speak?

Maxie's Mommy said...

WHY WOULD YOU HAVE A COFFIN IN YOUR HOUSE? That is just the most idiotic thing I have ever heard! It's like she just brought it up to bring it up. Like she was looking for something to shock you with. Dummy. I have been debating posting about the worst things said to me for months because I haven't even mentioned the WORST things. Problem is that almost ALL of them were said by one particular person. So, it isn't so much that people say shitty things in my case (even though they do - about the cat dying and you can have more and about their grandparents dying), it is about PERSON saying stupid things. I'm sorry someone said that to you. What a numbskull!

Rebecca Patrick-Howard said...

This was actually one of those things that made me laugh. I couldn't wait to tell Pete when I saw him. I mean, WTF? Who SAYS that?

@Abby-I have found that many of the weird ass things people say to me also come from the same few people. The ones that don't I judge on a sliding scale.

Anonymous said...

It's still a really stupid and insensitive thing to say, but I bet they meant an urn. A lot of peoPle do keep those in the living room.

Anonymous said...

I don't think they meant an urn. I lost my daughter 10 years ago and I am still stunned by the things that people say.

Madness and mayhem said...

I just had to laugh,what a silly thing to say.Justa bit thank you for your blog.Its the onlyone i have found where someone else is feeling the same things i am.When i read your daughter slept well i thought oh no that awful.And i can relate to hating the silence in a morning willing to hear a cough,cry anything.The fear of opening the door dreading what you will find and how your stomach is in your mouth if they are asleep and look a bit too pale.Its been15 month now and things are just getting a little better but then i have a set back.Thank you for your honest helpfull blog.