Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Pete's Blog

I wanted to post a link to Pete's blog so that you could read this yourself but since he's in hiding and not publicizing it, I can't. So what I will do is copy and paste.

Pete read my last blog entry. He found the link on IMDB and read it himself. This was his response...

Movie lovers know everything

Here is the tread I'm talking about: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1307083/board/thread/192500525

 by Corpse_in_a_box (Sun Dec 18 2011 12:47:06)

I know this is mean, but they need to get over it. They're choosing to despair over it, it's self-indulgent. Babies die, BFD.
My favorite part is "I know this is mean..." well thats okay then.

Here is my reply:

Babies die, Big Fucking Deal."(I expanded you abbreviation for emphasis.) Well aren't we someone who should be "thinned from the gene pool." I am the father of a child that died; it was not a miscarriage but - BFG, babies die. Well now I’m all better, thanks. Go fuck yourself, show your mother your words of wisdom, and jump the fuck of a cliff you uncompassionate, hateful and self deluded example of a piece of shit masking itself as a human being. I hope to meet you one day. 

I do not write a blog or comment online, my grief is a private thing. But I have to say this comment really showed me the light. 

You are all talking about miscarriages, right? I ask because there seems to be little distinction in any of your comments. Oh, I know, it can be so maddening the way people won't cheer up and get over the most horrible loss they never imagined. 

I know how you feel because I'm often shouting at small children in stores, or in the street, telling them to get over the loss of their ice cream to the dirty, cold pavement beneath them. "It's just a fucking ice cream" I scream, you scream, we all scream who gives a fuck about ice cream, right? True to them it is a great loss, but, ha fucking ha, their loss is small to me so I can laugh at them, ha.ha.ha. 

Why are you all reading a sub-forum of a photography website (ran by volunteers who seem to think it’s a worthy cause) specifically devoted to letting parents who have lost children talk, if you find it such a small and insignificant thing? It’s not exactly plastered over the internet, is it? 

By the way when you were all taught to handle the loss of a child before or after pregnancy, where was everybody else? One of the terrible assumptions you all seem to have made is that there is a right way to handle any kind of grief. Have any of you lost someone you cared about? Then you should feel more shame. No loss is equal to another. No grief is curable. There is precisions little in any of our cultures to help people deal with such a thing. There is less compassion, as you all have demonstrated, then is needed. It is not something easy or obvious to deal with, it is something barley spoken about and hardly mentioned. Something that happens to other people. Until it happens to you. 

If such a terrible thing happened to you, how many places do you think there would be to meet, talk or try to deal with the loss of a child? Not many, the internet has given them more, and given some others the desire to mock people’s loss, apparently. Do you know or have you imagined what those “what not to say words, might feel like if it were you?

Pragmatism is all well and good but many say we have a population problem in the world, how would you like it if we all took a vote between getting rid of grieving parents and getting rid of senseless, witless idiots who act big, tough and heartless on the internet? Who’d ya think’d win in a global vote? 

Mock a person in grief, online or in person, it has an effect. 

You are on an IMDB forum about “17 and counting,” but this is not a fictional subject, and not all the parents you slander are advertising pictures of their lost children on a damn reality show. Some have just found a place to talk with others who may understand their loss, or are trying to find a way, at least. You don’t have to read their comments or blogs, I bet they’d prefer it if you didn’t. 

Your comments, as little thought as you’ve put in to them, have hurt many I imagine - you feckless, heinous people. You don’t understand them, fine, you don’t have to. But even a moment’s thought might tell you that since the pictures you are “talking” about would be the only pictures these parents will ever have of a child they loved, likely named, certainly cared for, and looked forward to I would imagine they offer some measure of comfort.

Does anyone here know the rate of suicide for parents after the loss of a child? Did anyone think to wonder if complaining or commenting online might be therapy for some, or that mocking them might actually cause them damage? It’s a wonder you know so much about it. No, I’m being silly, I’m sure you all know everything already. 

If talking online, or, to put it in the words of another commenter, acting like whores on the internet (funny I though being a whore had more to do with having sex for money then losing a child, I must have gone to a different school) helps them cope with what is a terrible loss, then please fuck off and let them whore it up. Heck we may even sanction them crying a time or two. 

Oh, and thank you all for getting together and using your great minds to decide when and how someone should get over the loss of a child. In august it will be two years since I lost my son, I think about him every day, it hurts always and I sometimes find it hard to go on. It’s good to know I should go ahead and forget him, get over it so that renegade hacks like you won’t have to feel uncomfortable. I’ll get right on that you sad sons-of-mothers-who-deserved-much-better just as soon as I can. It’s good to know I’m not really hurting I’m just whoring. 

Since you are all complaining about something on the internet I assume you are all fellow whores as well. Also please know that your opinion on whether anyone should have a child, or anything else, are not welcome, that you have no standing to judge. 

Finally, yes, how dare these parents pollute such a pure space as the internet with grief over a child that never was. There are so much more important things that they could talk about like where Britney Spears got drunk last night, what some feckless shitwonder thinks about the latest blockbuster, where to get drunk in Cumberland, or pictures of naked people. 
Yours truly, A 28 year old father of 2 and one angle baby, (I have never used that term before, but now I know you hate it…)

I was going to write about historical preservation, guess I'll save that one.


Rebecca said...

I responded. Some were a little more compassionate. (Including the corpse box dude.) Others...not so much. One guy even accused me of making it up. Awesome, huh?

Katie (LukeGrantsMom) said...

It looks like they deleted the thread (which is good). From Pete's comments there is little doubt what was being said. People have no clue what it is like and my guess the people who write things like that have no children and have not made it out of their parent's basement to see what life really is like. One can only learn so much about humanity from video games.

Good for Pete and you for letting them know it is not OK. If there are decent people making thoughtless comments like that, it helps. If they don't feel bad, well those are the saddest people anyway.

Rebecca said...

I am glad to see that IMDB took it down. That was pretty horrible. Unfortunately, the grief support group that they were making fun of has also been removed due to their comments. I hope the administrator of that group has set up a new one someplace else and informed those members.