Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Where's my haunting?

After Toby died I felt what I thought was his presence in the house for a few days. However, I'm not completely convinced that it wasn't just leftover energy from the fact that he had JUST been there. I also had two very real dreams of him, both in which I am sure he was communicating with me.

But where is my haunting? I do not feel his presence anywhere. Oh, I can go in a store we were in or a restaurant we ate at and get very real vibes from that place, but that's not the same. That's a strong memory. Why is it that a psychic can't communicate with him or tell me anything about him or that he doesn't pop in from time to time?

Where the heck is he?

I am not a stranger to hauntings. Read my note or blog entry on my other blog about my New Hampshire ghost story. When Jim died, he popped in one night soon afterwards. Nana hung around for years. I have picked up random ghosts here and there along the way. I am almost positive that Pete's mom came by for a visit, too. I was taking a nap and was suddenly awoken by a sharp breeze and a noise. I looked at the clock, noted the time, and went to the bathroom. While I was in there the phone started ringing. I knew. I went downstairs and Mom said, "Your phone's been going crazy." I replied, "Yeah, I think it's Allison. I'll call them back before I tell Pete." (He was already having a hard night.) Sure enough, she had just passed and her time of death was the time that I had woken up and looked at the clock.

But I have absolutely no connection to Toby's afterlife.

I have a few theories on this. I know that spirits tend to hang around for 3 days before moving on. I wonder if he went on to be reincarnated. That would be nice. I hope he gets another chance at having great things happen. I wish they could have been with me. They should have been with me. It's not fair that they're not. But, still, if he is alive somewhere else then perhaps one day we will meet again and that's nice, too.

Or, maybe he went past Summerland and into the next realm. Everyone said he was an "old soul" and you could look in his eyes and see that. Maybe he was just tired. Maybe he completed his time down here and now he's gone on to a different place where he can't communicate.

Or, maybe I'm just blocked off. I don't know.

I was worrying the other day about getting to the afterlife and him not being there because he'd been sent back down to Earth. Pete and I talked about it and decided that it probably doesn't work that way-that the afterlife probably doesn't measure time in the same way that we do. It's probably more circular.

I think when I do see him again, and I believe that I will, he won't be in baby form. Oh, he might be for awhile so that I can get the chance to hold him again and remember him as I knew him but I believe that spirits are ageless and eventually he will choose what he wants to look like and we'll be able to communicate differently. That will be nice, too. We can then have the conversations we never had and go for walks and things together.

Me and Jim
I would love to have a sign that he is still out there. I know that my friend begged to dream about Jim for almost a year and received no hauntings of any kind. If you knew Jim, you would know that this is kind of a shocker. He loved ghosts and ghost stories more than anyone and I would have thought him to be the first person to come back to pull a few appearance. Then, one night, my friend said aloud to him, "You could come and visit me, you know." That night, Jim appeared in his dreams.

I've tried that with Toby. It hasn't worked. 


Maxie's Mommy said...

We should talk. So many similar experiences. I want to hear your thoughts about the afterlife. I am CONSUMED by them. I'm always trying to figure out how to connect with Max. I miss him soooooooooo much.

Rebecca said...

We SHOULD talk. I love talking about these things. Have you read the book "What Dreams May Come?" (Or seen the movie?) The author actually put a lot of research into it and includes a pretty detailed list of resources in the back. He drew from a lot of pagan, Eastern, and Jewish beliefs even though it seems like he just made it all up.

Anyway, his idea of the afterlife is one of the closest interpretations I've seen as to what I feel it must be like. The Christian idea of Heaven never comforted me and the idea of people becoming angels never sat well with me. After all, it's our little quirks and personality nuances that make us who we are-if those were taken away from us and everyone was good all the time and there's never any pain or sadness then how can we even enjoy it? So the idea of creating our own afterlife based on things we love and saw and felt on earth appeals to me. (And I don't believe that angels were people at one time, I think they're totally separate entities.)

I have a few ideas on how to connect. I wouldn't mind sharing. I ended up getting my MA in Religious Experience because I have an interest in such things.

I miss Toby, too.