Where's my haunting?

After Toby died I felt what I thought was his presence in the house for a few days. However, I'm not completely convinced that it wasn't just leftover energy from the fact that he had JUST been there. I also had two very real dreams of him, both in which I am sure he was communicating with me.

But where is my haunting? I do not feel his presence anywhere. Oh, I can go in a store we were in or a restaurant we ate at and get very real vibes from that place, but that's not the same. That's a strong memory. Why is it that a psychic can't communicate with him or tell me anything about him or that he doesn't pop in from time to time?

Where the heck is he?

I am not a stranger to hauntings. Read my note or blog entry on my other blog about my New Hampshire ghost story. When Jim died, he popped in one night soon afterwards. Nana hung around for years. I have picked up random ghosts here and there along the way. I am almost positive that Pete's mom came by for a visit, too. I was taking a nap and was suddenly awoken by a sharp breeze and a noise. I looked at the clock, noted the time, and went to the bathroom. While I was in there the phone started ringing. I knew. I went downstairs and Mom said, "Your phone's been going crazy." I replied, "Yeah, I think it's Allison. I'll call them back before I tell Pete." (He was already having a hard night.) Sure enough, she had just passed and her time of death was the time that I had woken up and looked at the clock.

But I have absolutely no connection to Toby's afterlife.

Toby

I have a few theories on this. I know that spirits tend to hang around for 3 days before moving on. I wonder if he went on to be reincarnated. That would be nice. I hope he gets another chance at having great things happen. I wish they could have been with me. They should have been with me. It's not fair that they're not. But, still, if he is alive somewhere else then perhaps one day we will meet again and that's nice, too.

Or, maybe he went past Summerland and into the next realm. Everyone said he was an "old soul" and you could look in his eyes and see that. Maybe he was just tired. Maybe he completed his time down here and now he's gone on to a different place where he can't communicate.

Or, maybe I'm just blocked off. I don't know.

I was worrying the other day about getting to the afterlife and him not being there because he'd been sent back down to Earth. Pete and I talked about it and decided that it probably doesn't work that way-that the afterlife probably doesn't measure time in the same way that we do. It's probably more circular.

I think when I do see him again, and I believe that I will, he won't be in baby form. Oh, he might be for awhile so that I can get the chance to hold him again and remember him as I knew him but I believe that spirits are ageless and eventually he will choose what he wants to look like and we'll be able to communicate differently. That will be nice, too. We can then have the conversations we never had and go for walks and things together.

Me and Jim

I would love to have a sign that he is still out there. I know that my friend begged to dream about Jim for almost a year and received no hauntings of any kind. If you knew Jim, you would know that this is kind of a shocker. He loved ghosts and ghost stories more than anyone and I would have thought him to be the first person to come back to pull a few appearance. Then, one night, my friend said aloud to him, "You could come and visit me, you know." That night, Jim appeared in his dreams.


I've tried that with Toby. It hasn't worked.