Monday, July 9, 2012

Oh dear

To the person who questioned whether or not I had actually lost a child or if I had, in fact, just made it up...

If you look around my blog you will see pictures of my son's casket, headstone, and funeral. You will also find that I write under my own name and a search on that name will bring up my child's obituary. 

How about you do a little more reading before questioning the validity of my grief?

8 comments:

Rebecca said...

Actually, here is his obituary...

http://richmondregister.com/obituaries/x2137444783/Toby-Patrick-Howard-infant


And if you follow this link http://www.krumlovgirl.blogspot.com/p/tobys-entries.html you will find entries that were written right after his death. I have kept my blog for 5 years. His pregnancy, birth, and death are all detailed. You will find comments from friends who attended the funeral and visitation. You will even find a guest entry written by a friend who sat in te hospital room with me after he had been gone for several hours.

And here http://lifeaftersids.blogspot.com/p/pictures-of-toby.html you will see pictures of him, including his casket.

I actually have a picture of him taken after lividity set in, when his little face was splotched with blue and purple and blood was dripping out of his little nose. This was taken as part of the investigation. But I generally find that tasteless to post publicly.

Can people please stop stressing me out so soon after brain surgery? Especially considering I have only been home from the hospital for a couple of days?

I am going to bed now.

Chantel said...

I am so sorry. Some people are just horrible.

Susan said...

Big hug to you my love.

This happened to me too. People have ideas about how bereaved parents should behave, and they get "suspicious" if you don't conform to that.

I also spent time justify myself. Fuck them - you don't need to - and it wouldn't work anyway. People who write this tosh aren't worth engaging in - there is no sense in appealing to their better judgement or decency, because they haven't got them - if they did, they wouldn't write shit like this.

X x

Rebecca said...

I have been on blogs in the past where I read a lot of the entries and kind of got suspicious. Something felt "off." But this person read one entry and then went off on a tangent.

It's maddening.

Jayden's Mommy said...

I'm sorry Rebecca. I had to see an emergency doctor because our doctor was on vacation and I was really sick on a saturday morning. I had to briefly go over my history with the nurse and she looked at me and said " Oh you just lost this baby, wow you look wonderful, "you really lost a son"? I just walk out. If you are crying all the time people say to move on and if you are not you are way better and need to mourn. If people just knew the amount of pain we have to live with. Im sorry.

Katie (LukeGrantsMom) said...

Some people just suck and to say they are clueless is such an understatement. Thank you for writing your blog, it has been so wonderful getting to know you, your family, and Toby. I feel fortunate to have you as a friend. It is hard to ignore when people say these things. There are too many people that annoy me with their comments from the limited exposure I give. You have done created a wonderful source for bereaved parents and place to remember Toby.

Rebecca said...

Thank you Katie. This was posted as anonymous. It was probably just someone trying to get a dig in at me.

I don't get it...if you don't like me or what I am saying, why get on my blog multiple times a day?

My blog has changed a lot. It started out as a way to vent and let off some hurt and anger. Then I started collecting information and resources. Maybe someone else will find them useful. Maybe not. I like the other blogs because they help me feel less alone.

Adina said...

This is absolutely abhorrent. I have also experienced questioning from online trolls who allege that I have made up my daughter and her death, and I am disgusted and horrified that you have been the target of the same cruelty. Some people have no shame.