Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Writing a book

Most of you know that I make my living writing books for other people. The other day, someone found me and contacted me and offered to pay me a modest sum of money for my SIDS story. I was kind of interested because the book in general was about child loss and any SIDS awareness is a good thing, so I wrote them back.

The responding message was this: "One thing I cannot stress enough is that the purpose of this book is about the solutions. How you got through your grief and healed."

Well, I didn't quite know what to make of that. For starters, I don't believe that are are "solutions." What works for one might not work for another. And secondly, I don't believe that one "gets through" their grief, as you would a line at an amusement park. I wrote back and politely declined. 

That got me to thinking, though...There are very few books out there on infant loss. The few that are out there are either medically slanted (for doctors, social workers, etc.), are grouped in with pregnancy loss and stillbirths (the majority of the books are like this) or are inspirational stories and religious-based (which is fine, if you are religious). But, so far, I haven't found anything that really talks about child loss, the emotions that go with it, the situations we find ourselves in, and even the little details like the investigations and financial difficulties that often surround it.  I haven't found any book out there that talks about the isolation from friends and family, the support we have found in each other (either online or offline) and the experiences that are so similar, yet different. Nothing that talks about the stupid things people say and do, the heartache at having a house full of baby stuff that still smells like our children a year later, and the celebrations we have in honor of our deceased children that include everything but our actual children. 

So, why not write one myself? 

I think I will. 

I am tentatively calling it "My Infant Died and I'm Madder than Hell." The alternative title is "The Anti How-To Guide to Infant Loss." I am also open to suggestions.


Jayden's Mommy said...

I like the first title. Im a mad and I dont know how to filter this anger. Also, I do agree most books are put together with SIDS, Miscarriages and Stillbirths. Most of the ones I read are medically directed. A good book of this long and painful road will be good.

Maxie's Mommy said...

Everyone recommends that book that is called the Guide to SIDS loss or something. It was like scraping my nails on a chalkboard to read it. Nothing comforting at all. I received a second copy and threw it in the trash. So, YES, write a book!

Rebecca Patrick-Howard said...

Abby, I read that book, too. It didn't do anything for me. Nothing talked about how angry I would feel, how stupid some people would be, and how so much of the media puts blame (purposefully and inadvertently) on the parents. Worse, it all felt so...cliched.

@Jayden's mommy- I don't know why they group them together like that. The three are so unique. They deserve their own books.