Monday, December 3, 2012


Here is something I struggle with: other people who receive sympathy for the death of MY child.

If my mom or someone who really knew Toby (okay, there were only three of us who did) starts talking about how much they miss him, then I can understand that. What gets to me is when someone who NEVER met him talks about how much they loved him and miss him and get sympathy for it. I actually saw this earlier and it bugged the hell out of me. Someone had written something about Toby (not to me) and had received several responses from people I don't know, sending their sympathies, offering the person virtual hugs, and asking them if they were "okay."

Now, the logical part of me is trying to work through the anger I felt by thinking, well, at least the person in question here mentioned him and was thinking about him. The totally irrational side of me is thinking: What the fuck? You "love" him and "miss" him? You never knew him! The even angrier side of me thinks, what bullshit! In the two years he's been gone you haven't even mentioned him to us or asked how we were doing.

Clearly, I have anger management problems where this is concerned. 


Susan said...

Totally obvious when you really think about it...

A lot of the sympathy that people dole out is based on thinking -- oh, that could have happened to me... and in many ways, offering hugs to someone one step removed from a tragedy is more comfortable.

Sucks though - doesn't it xx

Rebecca Patrick-Howard said...

I see what you're saying, but I am going to have to disagree. Considering that the person who is seeking the sympathy for my son's death has never even said anything to us about it, I think they're just doing it for attention. I am not upset at the people who are sending the "hugs", I am upset at the person pretending to tragedy happened to them when it didn't.

Mel said...

A person using the death of a child whose existence and passing they never bothered to acknowledge is an appalling form of whoring for attention.

Rebecca Patrick-Howard said...

@Mel-that's the way I'm kind of feeling these days.