If you've been around for awhile then you'll already know that I am obsessed with music. I don't spend a lot of time listening to the radio these days because I think a good majority of it is manufactured crap, but every once in awhile something will peek through and stick with me. Enter Miranda Lambert. Now, this is someone I would normally detest: she's blond, perky, consistently ranks high on the charts, and is EVERYWHERE. But I like her, as evidenced by a former blog entry (Letter to Miranda Lambert). When I heard her new song, which is supposed to be spunky and funny, I broke down into tears, however. So why would a fast-paced, sassy, song about a break-up make me cry? Because I could swear that co-writer Kacey Musgraves has listened in on a few of my conversations with SIDS moms.
So the song is called "Mama's Broken Heart." The subject ain't pretty. The chick in the song has just suffered a break-up and has gone a little bonkers, much to the chagrin of her mother and other church-goers in the community. Rather than fixing her hair, straightening her skirt, and holding her head up and taking the high road, the narrator cuts off her bangs, goes on a drinking binge, and generally lets herself fall apart.
I can relate.
I have talked about this a lot, but one of the fastest ways to lose sympathy from people when you lose a child is to express your REAL emotions. People want you to behave properly. This means only dropping a few ladylike tears, holding in your emotions, and generally being a sympathetic character. Outsiders want to feel sorry for you. They don't want to be afraid of you. They want to be able to point at you and say, "She's been through a terrible trauma, but you wouldn't even know it. She's handling it SOOOOO well..." Then, they can cluck over you and pet on you, and do as little as possible. Just enough to feel good about themselves without actually having to make much of an effort.
But what about the rest of us?
What about those of us who scream and yell and write angry blog entries and break down in supermarkets and become agoraphobic and paranoid and send out depressing status updates? Well, we must be avoided at all costs. After all, we're not handling our situation the "right way."
I have found that people who have no idea of what we are going through or have gone through sure do become experts on our situation when they decide that we must be doing it the "wrong way." It's incredibly easy for someone to sit back and say, "Well, I wouldn't have done THAT" and judge when the closest they have come to losing a child still comes nowhere close to actually losing a child.
In the song lyrics, Miranda talks about never letting people see you cry, powdering your nose, fixing your makeup, and generally being presentable and attractive, even when you have a broken heart. I can relate to that. I can also relate to the last part of the chorus:
gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
But this ain’t my mama’s broken heart
No, this isn't my "mama's broken heart." In more ways than one. Losing a child is NOT like a break-up. It's much, much worse. I do think, though, that people treat it like a break-up, something that you CAN "get over" easily. Maybe our parents DID come from a "softer generation." They certainly didn't have the public platforms that we have now (hello Blogger, Facebook, and Twitter). I've also been accused of being crazy ("run and hide your crazy and start acting like a lady") and told I need to "keep it together" for the sake of Sam and Pete ("gotta keep it together even when you fall apart").
I have lost more than one friend thanks to my public outbursts and my inability to hold things in. But I've also made some friends because of it. So it probably evens out.
And if you haven't watched the video, watch it. This is how crazy I often felt and feel.
Mama's Broken Heart
I cut my bangs with some rusty kitchen scissors
I screamed his name ‘til the neighbors called the cops
I numbed the pain at the expense of my liver
Don’t know what I did next all I know, I couldn’t stop
Word got around to the barflies and the baptists
My mama’s phone started ringin’ off the hook
I can hear her now sayin’ she ain’t gonna have it
Don’t matter how you feel, it only matters how you look
Go and fix your make up, girl, it’s just a break up
Run and hide your crazy and start actin’ like a lady
'Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
But this ain’t my mama’s broken heart
I wish I could be just a little less dramatic
Like a Kennedy when Camelot went down in flames
Leave it to me to be holdin’ the matches
When the fire trucks show up and there’s nobody else to blame
Can’t get revenge and keep a spotless reputation
Sometimes revenge is a choice you gotta make
My mama came from a softer generation
Where you get a grip and bite your lip just to save a little face
Go and fix your make up, girl, it’s just a break up
Run and hide your crazy and start actin’ like a lady
'Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
But this ain’t my mama’s broken heart
Powder your nose, paint your toes
Line your lips and keep 'em closed
Cross your legs, dot your I’s
And never let 'em see you cry
Go and fix your make up, well it’s just a break up
Run and hide your crazy and start actin’ like a lady
'Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
But this ain’t my mama’s broken heart
So the song is called "Mama's Broken Heart." The subject ain't pretty. The chick in the song has just suffered a break-up and has gone a little bonkers, much to the chagrin of her mother and other church-goers in the community. Rather than fixing her hair, straightening her skirt, and holding her head up and taking the high road, the narrator cuts off her bangs, goes on a drinking binge, and generally lets herself fall apart.
I can relate.
I have talked about this a lot, but one of the fastest ways to lose sympathy from people when you lose a child is to express your REAL emotions. People want you to behave properly. This means only dropping a few ladylike tears, holding in your emotions, and generally being a sympathetic character. Outsiders want to feel sorry for you. They don't want to be afraid of you. They want to be able to point at you and say, "She's been through a terrible trauma, but you wouldn't even know it. She's handling it SOOOOO well..." Then, they can cluck over you and pet on you, and do as little as possible. Just enough to feel good about themselves without actually having to make much of an effort.
But what about the rest of us?
What about those of us who scream and yell and write angry blog entries and break down in supermarkets and become agoraphobic and paranoid and send out depressing status updates? Well, we must be avoided at all costs. After all, we're not handling our situation the "right way."
I have found that people who have no idea of what we are going through or have gone through sure do become experts on our situation when they decide that we must be doing it the "wrong way." It's incredibly easy for someone to sit back and say, "Well, I wouldn't have done THAT" and judge when the closest they have come to losing a child still comes nowhere close to actually losing a child.
In the song lyrics, Miranda talks about never letting people see you cry, powdering your nose, fixing your makeup, and generally being presentable and attractive, even when you have a broken heart. I can relate to that. I can also relate to the last part of the chorus:
gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
But this ain’t my mama’s broken heart
No, this isn't my "mama's broken heart." In more ways than one. Losing a child is NOT like a break-up. It's much, much worse. I do think, though, that people treat it like a break-up, something that you CAN "get over" easily. Maybe our parents DID come from a "softer generation." They certainly didn't have the public platforms that we have now (hello Blogger, Facebook, and Twitter). I've also been accused of being crazy ("run and hide your crazy and start acting like a lady") and told I need to "keep it together" for the sake of Sam and Pete ("gotta keep it together even when you fall apart").
I have lost more than one friend thanks to my public outbursts and my inability to hold things in. But I've also made some friends because of it. So it probably evens out.
And if you haven't watched the video, watch it. This is how crazy I often felt and feel.
Mama's Broken Heart
I cut my bangs with some rusty kitchen scissors
I screamed his name ‘til the neighbors called the cops
I numbed the pain at the expense of my liver
Don’t know what I did next all I know, I couldn’t stop
Word got around to the barflies and the baptists
My mama’s phone started ringin’ off the hook
I can hear her now sayin’ she ain’t gonna have it
Don’t matter how you feel, it only matters how you look
Go and fix your make up, girl, it’s just a break up
Run and hide your crazy and start actin’ like a lady
'Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
But this ain’t my mama’s broken heart
I wish I could be just a little less dramatic
Like a Kennedy when Camelot went down in flames
Leave it to me to be holdin’ the matches
When the fire trucks show up and there’s nobody else to blame
Can’t get revenge and keep a spotless reputation
Sometimes revenge is a choice you gotta make
My mama came from a softer generation
Where you get a grip and bite your lip just to save a little face
Go and fix your make up, girl, it’s just a break up
Run and hide your crazy and start actin’ like a lady
'Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
But this ain’t my mama’s broken heart
Powder your nose, paint your toes
Line your lips and keep 'em closed
Cross your legs, dot your I’s
And never let 'em see you cry
Go and fix your make up, well it’s just a break up
Run and hide your crazy and start actin’ like a lady
'Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
But this ain’t my mama’s broken heart
No comments:
Post a Comment