Saturday, April 13, 2013

The Dead Kid Club

About six months into my grief I started exploring online communities after my "real world" grief support groups didn't help me in the way I hoped they would. I found one that I liked and I met a lot of great people there. We have since moved over to Facebook together and after nearly 3 years of "hanging out" online we have exchanged phone numbers, email addresses, and street addresses.

In the beginning, it was our deceased children that brought us together. Most of us were in the early stages of grief. After awhile, though, things seemed to change. These days, although we do talk about our deceased children, they're no longer the sole foundation of our friendships. These people (mostly women) know all about Sam and Iris. They send them presents in the mail, they keep up with their doctors' appointments (Sam just had a brain MRI with sedation yesterday), they remember their birthdays...And I do the same for their living children. I find myself getting concerned about Cooper and Emma and Dylan and wondering how Vivi and Paige are doing.

When we're feeling low, we write each other for support. You can also catch us up at 2:00 am talking about mortgages, foreclosures, surgeries, and men. When I was feeling low the other night, I was up chatting with a friend around San Francisco whom I have never actually met in person. We have formed a semi fan club for Darryl Dixon and his dirty poncho and relish discussing the latest developments on THE WALKING DEAD and DANCING WITH THE STARS. We might not always agree on politics or Kenny Chesney but we actually have fun together.

And you should have seen our conversation about historical porn and James Patterson yesterday.

I never thought that when I met these people one day we would not be spending the majority of our time depressed and crying to each other. If someone had told me that we would eventually be sharing jokes and laughing and making fun of reality television then you might as well have been telling me that I had just won some ocean front property in Arizona.

There are still some days that are hard and we meet all birthdays and anniversaries together. But I really feel like we share more than that. I don't like belonging to the Dead Kid Club but, if I have to, then I am glad that I found friends that make it a little easier. 


LukeGrantsMom said...

I was just thinking about you and your family and thought I would check in with your blog. Lovely entry to read. I cannot tell you how much your friendship and your well phrased words have meant (even though I suck at commenting and sharing). Vivie is crying in the other room, she is teething and for last three months does not believe in sleeping for more than 2 hours. I still feel very fortunate.

Jayden's Mommy said...

You were the first person or your blog was the first one I ever came a across and started to follow is true we didn't ask to belong to this club we don't want to. But it has made it easier to read your blog to know that I'm not insane and the most of my feelings are completely normal. Thank You, Kira

Rebecca said...

I was thinking about you the night before I wrote this and then I think I dreamed we were fighting dragons or something. (I'm sure that's symbolic but I'm too tired to figure it out.) I am so glad I met you.