Sunday, April 8, 2012

I Feel Like Nobody Cares

I know it's Easter and we've actually had a nice day but I am having one of those moments.

I feel like nobody cares. I find other parents who have lost children and have grief blogs and they are full of comments about their deceased children and how sorry the people are (random strangers) and they seem to get so much support. People buy stuff for their fundraisers and show up and support them. Why do we not have this? Why do people not care about Toby? Why do the majority of the people that do care about his death just use it as some freaky way to gain attention for themselves or use him as some pawn to fit their weird agenda?

People post about their deceased children on FB and get tons of sympathy and support. The anniversary of their children's deaths come up and people remember. They even change their pictures to reflect something of the child. On Toby's anniversary date I reminded people and I felt pathetic.

Why? Part of me says it doesn't matter if anyone cares, as long as I do. The other part has hurts feelings.

I support my friends. I join their fan pages and repost the events that they are trying to get people to attend. I show up to things that are important to them. And yet, not once in a year and a half have they even mentioned Toby other than the day he died to tell me that they were sorry. Why?

I spend a lot of my time following blogs and writing comments and trying to show support for my fellow parents. Why does my son and my grief not matter as much?

I feel like I have become a pathetic joke to people.

PS- Abby & Katie, this is not directed at you. I love you guys. 


Maxie's Mommy said...

Rebecca- I care. I know you know I care. I see Tobys little photo on your homepage and my heart seizes. I read about the other stuff going on in your life and I am overwhelmed for you. I often wonder how you manage and then I remember that we are all just managing. I hope the day comes when we can move beyond just getting by. I feel like as much as I complain about a lack of support, I am one of the lucky ones... Because it is easier to abandon us grieving parents than to embrace us. I won't abandon you or ever forget Toby. Never.

Katie (LukeGrantsMom) said...

Oh Rebecca...I love you too and little Toby. I know there are a lot of times I think of things I want to write and I end up not writing those things. Not to make excuses, but I believe a lot of people have good intentions and really are thinking about Toby - they just don't have the words and then for some it easier to avoid. I love Abby's words and I echo her feelings about Toby and Max.

Becca said...

I clicked over from Maxie's blog and I actually do so pretty often. I'm a random internet stranger but I care. I just feel stupid commenting, like it's probably not my place. But I think your baby is gorgeous, and I hate what happened to him and to you and to your entire family. I am appalled at some of the comments you've had to deal with. I'm so sorry that Toby died and I'm so sorry you don't have the support you need. It's not fair at all.

Suz said...

I care. Toby is beautiful. Im sorry you don't get to hold and kiss Toby. I'm sorry you don't get to watch him grow. I recently lost my son. When I feel alone or sad I read about Toby. I read about your journey. I read about Maxie. Because you write I know I'm not alone. I know Gavin is not alone. Ive never written a comment before.

KYenglish said...

I care

Serena said...

We have never met. But I care.
My son died from SIDS at 7 week four years ago.. I know the feeling of people not seeming to care and "moving on", when we seem to be stuck in the moment we lost them.

Holidays ( especially big ones like Easter) are always hard. Knowing what SHOULD be versus what is. No basket or egg hunt for my sweet son who would be 4 now, and it seems like world ( including my family) had forgotten him.

To the rest of the world, our babies were just babies. I think that people really don't understand what we have lost. But just know that you are not alone in thinking about your sweet Toby. I imaine our boys were in Heaven having the biggest easter egg hunt ever :-) ((((HUGS)))))